Diagnosis

I was 2 days into my 25th year when I got the email, carrying the weight of the file reading “On completion of the assessment, all criteria were fully met, demonstrating that a diagnosis of adult ADHD is indicated”.
I had been waiting for this assessment for more days than I care to count and reading those words brought me to my knees onto the cold kitchen floor, sobbing.

The power of diagnosis is not to be underestimated, when neurodivergent people have lived for many years believing they were different but they couldn’t understand why, when you struggle for so long trying to fit in to a world that is simply not made for you. It broke my heart and mended me all at once.

For many years I had been struggling with my mental health, my school reports telling me I would excel if I could just sit still and concentrate, if I could just work faster. I knew things didn’t make sense for me and it wasn’t until the summer of 2021 that my body simply could not handle it anymore. Diagnosed with a crippling anxiety disorder politely presented with a side order of depression that prevented me from leaving my flat, unable to eat or shower for days on end.

I was terrified and I felt so alone. I had been strugging for so long and I had finally collapsed. I started taking anti-depressants and had weekly therapy sessions to help me cope. It was during this period that I began to explore neurodivergency and what that can look like in adult females and the more I read, the more I understood. I saw myself and it finally made sense.

I struggled to get through my second year of uni, only able to work in short intervals. Working erratically, chasing my thoughts as they left my head. My home was as messy as my mind, I was unable to keep on top of anything.

Finally I finished my second year and got my foundation degree. I quit my third year 7 weeks in and deferred for a year. I packed my bags and moved to a new city, I started again in a new uni. It’s been challenging but it has been extremely rewarding.
Being around so many other neurodivergent creatives has been immensely freeing. I feel like I don’t have to hide myself anymore.

I am now in the process of beginning my final major project which will be focussing on the symptoms of ADHD and how they run parallel with the natural world. Working with the tenants of the local aquarium, I will be making a series of work that will reflect what it is like living as a neurodivergent adult.

I want the work to encompass the past few years and truly show the day to day life of what it can be like, attempting to fight a neurotypical world as a neurodivergent person.

I want this project to bring awareness to the subject and to reflect the importance of diagnosis. Diagnosis is pivotal in the understanding of neurodivergence and allows a person to understand themselves and gain clarity with themselves. It allows the correct medications to be prescribed, it allows schools to work in different ways, each diagnosis is a step closer to acceptance for neurodivergent people.

Thanks for being here and I can’t wait to share this with you!

- Rae